I like to call them “Boxing Days,” not like the holiday in Canada, but days when you feel stifled, boxed in.
I’ve had a few of these lately, they’re never fun. It’s like walking around knowing that you’re not seeing the whole picture. Feeling like you’re jammed into a space too small. It’s actually an easy place to get stuck. It’s taken me a while but I’ve figured out what it means, at least for me.
For me it’s a lot like falling into an internal rut. You develop patterns in your life, especially behaviorally. There are very specific ways you related to certain actions and triggers. When in relationships, for instance, you tend to just mimic the way you’ve behaved in them previously. You’ll be shy, reserved, over analytical – pick your poison.
Well after my last one I decided enough was enough, I wasn’t going to play that same role any more. I wasn’t going to let myself just slide right into old habits or behaviors (typically for me being in a supporting role, letting them call the shots, making myself fit into a space that I thought they wanted.)
Now I’m testing out this new way of being me, consistently. Let me tell you one thing, it’s way easier to fall into that old pattern. Luckily prior to starting this new “experiment” I had done a damn find job of figuring out exactly what I didn’t want to replicate and building the version of myself I liked. Well, sure enough as things are progressing glimpses of my old self show up. It’s extremely frustrating, because you don’t know which way to go, at least for me.
Do you let yourself slide into this behavior that you can a. totally justify b. feels normal on some level and c. you have experience with, or do you choose door number 2 and act in accordance to the new you? I’m very lucky that it felt MORE uncomfortable to fall into old habits thus I chose that scary door number 2. How do you keep choosing that though?
Easy, it feels better. It’s terrifying at first, don’t get me wrong. But really after the first initial steps you’ll get over the hurtle and it will just feel better. It feels better to be in a place where you know you created the way you’re being, it wasn’t out of habit.
Don’t box yourself in, just because it’s how it was in the past, or it’s where 90% of your experiences are doesn’t mean it’s true any longer. It’s never too late to change things up, start being that person you have been thinking of. It’s fun 😉
Most of all, just have faith in yourself, you’ll get there.