For the first time ever I proudly answered a question most women my age, hell most women older than 18, get asked as a filler question by complete strangers on an almost daily basis.
As a reminder; I live in a smaller conservative Midwest city. I grew up just 45 minutes from the place I call home.
As much as I love it here there are things I just hate about it. It’s what motivated me to move all over the world before somehow finding my way back here. (More by sheer happenstance and fucked up stuff happening all at once, than actually choosing.)
Anyway, there’s a question (that I’ve always hated) a woman my age ALWAYS gets when out in public especially where you’re “waiting” for something.
It’s some variation of:
“So, it’s not just you then?”
“Well you have kids of course?”
“What do you and your husband do?”
My answer has always been some variation of “nope, just me” always with a note of awkwardness, some hesitation for what their reaction may be or a pang of loneliness.
For a brief moment it was “well, I’m engaged” which I wore like a badge that I felt obligated to display and bring up.
But for the first time ever recently I was asked variation 2 of the question and I gladly said “Nope, just me!” With a big old grin on my face. The old white man behind the desk at the car repair shop was a bit taken aback by my quick response and sunshiny smile. As was I.
It is so fucking empowering to love this. I always wanted to love this. And now here I am. Enjoying my life, on my terms. Just me, myself and I. And I couldn’t be any more happy.
Of course that didn’t stop him from jokingly saying he was going to “check his database of single men” for me. But even that I just laughed at. And I truly laughed at him, not with him.
There were times in my life when I said I loved my single-hood but I was secretly binging on Sex and the City and Rom-Coms hoping for my Mr. Big; hell even Berger would have been ok. But now truly, I look forward to going home to my single lady pad and knitting and eating weird ass combinations of food and not feeling guilty for getting in my PJ’s at 5:05pm and going to bed at 8:30pm.
And I feel even better drinking a beer alone at the bar, not trying to look cute and pick someone up. Just going to my favorite bar with a book or a notepad and a good drink and sitting, observing.
This little revelation has also gotten me all excited about what could be next. What other question or paradigm have I been looking at one way for my entire life that could flip? What will it mean when it flips? Hopefully it’ll bring me as much joy as I’m feeling right now and open me up to yet another fun corner of the world.
Also, here’s to having MORE time for this blog, again…hopefully.