When I was young, 13 or 14 or so, I was out on one of my many walks in the woods and I made a deal with the universe. Sitting on top of my favorite dune overlooking the lake, it was late fall with only a few leaves still rustling on the trees, I stared out over the lake and said:
“I want to experience every type of love out there. I want to fall in puppy love, in deep love, feel the love of being a mom, feel the heartbreak of unrequited love, to break someone’s heart, I want to feel it all. I’ll be open and welcoming to them all, I won’t ever curse you for the type of experience you send my way when it comes to love. As long as I get to experience it all.”
It was one of those rare moments in time and space where you just put it all out there and speak so honestly to the universe that it can’t help but come true.
And come true it has. I’ve been lucky to know so many kinds of love in my life, the varying intensities of romantic love, the love of friends, family, my friends children, utter heartbreak that sucks the wind right out of you and the sadness that comes when you know you’re hurting someone you care for so much.
This has been a blessing, to experience so much of life and live with a heart that opens up easily. At times I feel like it’s a curse, because I know the certain types of love and relationships I fall into the easiest. The care giving kind of love, and breaking that pattern that’s been so engrained…that’s hard as hell.
Regardless of all that: here’s to moving forward, and here’s to one day being in the kind of relationship and love that I get to spend the rest of my life with that person. Watch love unfold in big and little ways over time. Watch it ebb and flow and morph. The type of love that then leads to the type of love I can have for future children.
It’ll be the cherry on top of this crazy life experience I’ve welcomed and created.