The view seems so much bigger now. Like the view I get on vacation, the view you find when you have that moment out of moments that makes you realize you’re just a tiny speck of star dust that hardly amounts to anything in this enormous universe we’re living within. I have moments like these more frequently than ever. I watch the Mourning Doves on the wire, while the rabbit and birds peck at the freshly soaked ground.
The remainder of the storm passes overhead gliding through my world, rolling tufts of grey and white and softly lit pinks and creams. They look like the kind of clouds you see in renaissance paintings. A perfect patch of blue appearing out of nowhere. Reminding me yet again, of all that is out there.
When the clouds part, it’s big up there, how easily we forget what the tops of clouds look like, when underneath the grey.
The neighbor proudly showing off his garden while walking, wine in hand, with his guests. The cat scurries from bush to tree, hunting yet again.
The old homes that make up my block coming to life with porch lights and warm glows from within as people arrive home from a day. When you look at your own town like this, when you marvel in the beauty that is around you every day, it’s easy to remember how lucky we have it.
Sure there’s evil and bull shit and hard times left and right. Yes, there are people out there less and more fortunate, but you know what we all have right now? The air in our lungs, the ability to sense the world around us. How terrible a thing it is to be lost in our ego’s mind for so much of the day, hiding from the world right outside.
How I’ve been able to keep this opened view for as long as I have is beyond me, but I’m not questioning it. I’m reveling in it. This view is all that I need, yes from time to time I lose it. Yes, from time to time I’m so stressed I don’t know which way’s up and I stare at my computer in my tan cubical not even knowing where to go. But then, mere hours later, I’m on my porch again looking at the sky watching clouds shift and move, watching weather patterns bring change. Every moment different than the next.
Just look at this view. I love this view. I feel perfectly centered in it while still being on the sidelines. I’m the active observer.
The rain falls as the sun is out, one of my most favorite weather patterns. So often people think that you can’t be two things at once, that you can’t be on “both sides of the fence” but the sun can shine when it rains. That’s where I’m happy living. Where the sun shines and the rain falls. Where I can enjoy both at once. Because you can have both at once, little girl. You can have whatever it is you want to create, you simply have to see it.
And just like that I get an answer to my fearful questions from the night before, I can have both. This view, I wouldn’t change this view for the world.