Coincidental Moments

The more I live and the more I connect to who I am and take care of myself the more I have moments like these. I used to lean away from them; now I let them wash over me. I’d like to thankĀ The Untethered Soul for helping me realize how important it is to not resist the pain.

I received an email from my Mom, who I’ve always had a very open/raw relationship with. She’s taught me more than I can put into words and although we’ve had our ups and downs I can’t imagine having a better mother than her.

The email was titled “Here’s the draft for the Dress Ad on Craigslist…” I knew in an instant that the closure was coming. I don’t know what I was expecting when I opened the email but it wasn’t what I thought. It was very basic, and kind, just sharing the post and asking if I wanted to change anything. I wasn’t sure how to take it, the emotion that filled me was unexpected. I thought I had put this to bed, I had tried the dress on earlier this summer and written about it and thought “OK I jumped that hurtle I’m done processing that aspect of the break up.”

Then in the corner of my mind I hear a lyric and know immediately “I need this song.” Songs have always, always and in all ways helped me. I knew this one would be no different. The lyric “It’s not what I thought, and what I pictured, when I was imagining my man.”

WHAT?! this is it, a quick google search and I’m reading the lyrics along with the song. Feeling my heart open up again, feeling it break again, feeling the healing come over me. Because only when you let the pain happen and realize that it doesn’t make you up, it doesn’t define you, can you work through it.

I listen, then I realize I need more. I find the music video and just as I’d hoped it brought me to another level with it. It was exactly what I needed. I wrote back to Mom my minor input/edit on the post and shared this moment with her and how thankful I was that I had it. How I knew that this was what I needed. To have this additional release and emotional opening about the dress, the event, the realization that I’m not married. That I chose a different path.

I’ve bolded the lyric that stood out the most to me.

Here’s the song…and the lyrics.

 
I’m going to answer, protecting
It can be so hard to forgive
It’s not what I thought, and it’s not what I pictured
When I was imagining my man
You are so nervous all of the time, living the classics
I know that imagining my man
Imagining, imagining my man

All my life (hey!) I’ve had to fight to stay
You were right, love takes time, hey, hey

You have this dream, apparently I’m not done
I leave and it’s dreadful
If you get there
Be honest, respectful

All my life (hey!) I never tried to stay
You were right, love takes time, hey, hey

I hope one dream will get that when
Lucky to be given the chance
I do not have the answer
But I don’t have the wish to go back

All my life (hey!) I’ve had to fight to stay
You were right (yes!), love takes time, hey, hey
All my life (hey!) I’ve had to fight to stay
You were right, love takes time, hey, hey

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